Letters from him
by Kamakiri
Summary: when Allen runs away, a distraught Lavi is left behind. Allen never returns Lavi's letters, which is making things worse. Will Allen do something drastic before Lavi finds him again? AU. Laven
1. Chapter 1

_Unforgotten letters from him_

_Chapter 1_

Dear Allen,

I know you say that you're okay and everything, but I can tell you're not.

You always have this sad look in your eyes,

Do you think I'd overlook that?

Lenalee and I got talking and we've worked out a few ways to make you happier.

I know Mana's death hurt you heaps, and I can't really do much which is making me feel bad but, we can try, can't we?

I'm coming over to your house this afternoon, whether you like it or not. I haven't seen you in days and I'm worried. Please, for my sake and for Lenalee's (hell, even Kanda's! You know he does care, right?) don't do anything drastic.

From, Lavi.

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Allen read the letter over and over again.

Lavi cared?

"Huh, yeah right. Why would anyone care?" he asked himself, snorting. He let the letter drop to the floor and didn't bother picking it up.

Lavi had sent letters every second day, once he'd noticed that Allen no longer showed up to school.

Allen sighed, absently rubbing his arms.

He didn't want Lavi to see the scars on his wrists, nor did he want to see his other, more accusing scars.

Mana had only died a while ago, less than two months, he supposed. It was on a Saturday.

He died in a car crash, after he'd left to go buy some more food for Allen, who'd once again, eaten through the cupboard.

Allen wiped his eyes, but tears still came, slowly dripping down his cheeks and onto the floorboards.

"If he hadn't gone... he wouldn't've died. It's my fault" he whispered hoarsely.

He was sick of this town. Being here reminded him of Mana, and it did nothing to ease the ache in his chest.

Allen left the living room and went to his bedroom, picking up his bag full of clothes and a few other possessions.

With one last glance around, Allen left the house through the back window, making sure he'd locked the door.

His phone buzzed in his pocket so he pulled it out and read the text.

_Are you okay?_

Just another text from Lenalee. He quickly replied with a 'yep, I am :)'.

He noted, with a snort, how fake it sounded.

'Ah well, as long as it buys me a few hours' he thought, walking through the lush garden to the back fence and ducking underneath, to the open clearing and path that led into the forest.

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Hope you guys liked it :)

Next chapter will be longer, I promise.

-Kamakiri


	2. Chapter 2

_And you tell me to hold on,_

_Oh you tell me to hold on,_

_But innocence is gone,_

_And what was right is wrong._

_-Bleeding Out, Imagine Dragons_

I took a whole load of inspiration from Bleeding out for this fanfic. Alot of Allen's depression and all that, I worked out all of it while listening to the song. Yea, I do love it. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own -man.

_Chapter Two_

Something was wrong, Lavi knew. He could feel it.

As soon as he got out of class, he strode down the hallway, wanting to get out of the school as soon as possible.

Lenalee caught up with him.

"Allen?" she asked.

"I... I don't know, Lenalee... I just... He hasn't been talking to me for ages" Lavi replied.

She nodded and glanced behind them, where Kanda was following sullenly, an extreme look of concentration on the dark haired man's face.

He looked up and his eyes met Lenalee's, a silent something passing between them.

Lavi felt a tightness in his chest as he glanced at his phone. No emails, texts or missed calls.

"Damn, Allen, why can't you just say hi and that everything's okay?" he whispered, tears threatening to spill, but he blinked quickly and sighed.

"Lenalee, I think we should... go to Allen's this afternoon, see if he'll come out" he said to her. She nodded and slipped her hand inside his and tugged him towards the carpark, to his car.

Eventually the duo, and Kanda, reached Lavi's old Chevrolet and he popped the door open, reaching across to open the passenger's door when he noticed Lenalee shaking her head and pointing as she walked over to Kanda's truck.

Lavi shrugged, winking at her.

He knew full well what was happening between the two, and chuckled. Neither was attempting to ask the other out, which amused him somewhat.

The car started smoothly and he managed to pull into the steady flow of traffic leaving the school without flooring it, despite the many times he'd gone to speed.

The stormy clouds above grew, and rain began to splatter onto the windscreen as Lavi pulled into Allen's driveway. He got out and locked the car, nervously running a hand through his hair. He glanced around, making sure Cross Marian's car wasn't anywhere to be seen (which, luckily, it wasn't), before he went to the door and knocked.

Lenalee and Kanda arrived a few minutes later, as he was calling Allen for the thirtieth time that day.

_Hey, you've reached Allen Walker's voice mail. Please leave a message aft- what the hell are you doing Lavi?!_

Lavi's phone slipped from his grip, the screen shattering when it hit the concrete.

The recorded message brought back memories from a better time, yet, the memories made him hurt.

That day, he and Allen had been boredly hanging around. It just so happened that Allen was fixing his voice mail when Lavi had been going through Allen's books, picking out a stray copy of '50 Shades of Gray' (which he claimed Cross owned) and had started reciting a rather saucy scene.

His cheeks flushed at the thought but he pushed that away and came back to the present moment, where Lenalee was asking if he was okay, he was staring at his phone and Kanda was lounging around his car.

"I'm fine" He assure her, smiling slightly. She nodded and headed to the door, but he shook his head.

"No one's home" he said.

Lenalee's face fell.

"Oh... Do you have a spare key?"

"No. You?"

She shook her head.

"Check under the door mat" Kanda pointed out, pushing past them, studying the door.

Lavi checked and straightened.

"No, it's no-"

At that moment, Kanda grabbed a pot plant and smashed the front window with it.

Lenalee yelled in surprize and jumped back, grabbing Lavi.

They both stared at Kanda, who shrugged.

"What? You wanted to get in, right? There, way in" he said, rolling his eyes.

The trio entered the house through the broken window, each trying to avoid the broken glass.

They stood in the living room, looking around, but eventually, they split up to search; Kanda took the bathroom and kitchen, Lenalee took the study and the spare bedroom, while Lavi took Allen's room and the backyard.

Lavi walked silently to the room first, holding his breath when he entered. The bed's sheets were crumpled, and a few clothes were strewn around the room, as well as some bits of paper. One thing that caught his eye was a letter on the bed, neatly folded. He allowed himself to breathe again and slowly made his way over, picking up the letter with shaking hands.

_Dear Lavi,_

_I knew you'd come... It's so like you, you never give up, do you? Look, I've gone away, somewhere where I'll never bother anyone again._

_I'm fine, I promise. I just need some time to myself, to think things over..._

_I'll leave you with this to think about._

_I love you_

It wasn't signed, but was written in a hasty scrawl. Obviously Allen had been in a rush to leave, which worried Lavi somewhat.

A few razors littered the floor, their blades shining dully in the midafternoon sun.

He dropped to his knees, gasping when a razor bit into his leg. He pulled it out and stared blankly at the metal.

Tears slid down his cheeks.

"Allen... Please, please don't be dead" he whispered, closing his eyes.

Lenalee burst into the room with Kanda by her side.

"Lavi, we found a map. I think I know where he's gone"

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Crap, I'm not very good with keeping promises... Maybe this whole thing will just be made up of shorter chapters, I don't know.

-Kamakiri


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own -Man

_Chapter 3_

Allen stopped walking, panting as he leaned against a tree.

He'd been walking for hours now, after a rather crap sleep of about two hours, maybe less.

His tired mind ran in circles; Lavi, Mana, Lavi, Cross, Mana, Lavi... On and on it went. He still felt that he shouldn't have put 'I love you' in the letter, no matter how true that statement was in this circumstance.

He sighed.

What a moronic idiot he'd been! Why would Lavi return the feelings? He was an unloved person, and he felt truely alone, but he didn't want anyone's pity. To hell with their damn pity! God, he was sounding like Kanda. Allen sighed, shaking his head. Thinking about the past would never do him any good, it would only hurt him more.

He slid down the tree trunk, pulling his water bottle out of his bag and drinking greedily from it. The last few drops dribbled into his mouth and he stopped drinking.

"Shit"

He was out of water. Allen hurriedly put the bottle away and pulled out his map, scanning it quickly, his tired mind slowly recognising where he was.

He swore again and rested his head back against the tree. There wasn't any water sources for a long way, the nearest would take him roughly two days, maybe less or more, to get to.

Perhaps thirst would kill him first, before illness or even before he reached his destination; a set of water falls close to the border. He'd always liked water falls, admiring their beauty... At least there would be some beauty in his death, if only in the scenery.

He stood up, packing away the map as he did so and reslung the bag across his shoulders.

The teen sighed.

Maybe he was making a few mistakes in leaving, but at that moment, he simply did not care. His suicidal thoughts over ran everything else, all he wanted was the peacefulness of death.

Allen continued on his path, winding through the trees on the little animal trail he'd found.

Bugs attacked his face, the humid air made his clothes sticky and tree roots attempted to trip him up. Sure it wasn't a nice place, what with the occasional caw of a crow and the reak of death, but it was better than home.

He straightened his shoulders and breathed in deeply, starting to relax until he heard a car start and a few murmured voices.

"The package, yeah. It's here"

"Really? Let me-"

A gun was fired, and the second fell silent after a short, gurgled scream.

"No, shut the hell up. Tyki, where to from here?" a feminine voice asked.

"East, next pick-up's from London"

Allen backed up, hiding behind a tree. Through the trees he could see two people, one man and one young woman. Both were talking animatedly, waving ferociously at the dead body which lay between them.

He then made the mistake of hurriedly stepping back, a branch crunched under his foot. Both strangers looked up.

The man motioned for a monster of a man to grab Allen.

"He saw. Get him" he said in a cold tone.

Allen turned and sprinted away but tripped on a tree root, sending him sprawling. He heard the dreading footsteps coming closer and he squeezed his eyes shut as the huge man picked him up and slung him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, Allen's bag was dropped in the process.

"I've got him, Tyki" the man announced as he returned to the other two.

Allen was then hauled into the back of the car, a large van. Darkness and the smell of illicit materials assaulted him. He was then gagged and tied up.

"I'm going to have a little fun with you..." a voice whispered from the dark. Allen couldn't help but shiver. He knew that 'fun' wasn't going to be pleasant at all.

XoXoX

Kanda's truck bounced along the fire trail, sending dust and rocks up as it went along.

Lavi sat in the back, a map across his knees as Kanda drove, furiously grappling with the car.

Lenalee sat in the passengers seat, tightly gripping the seat with both hands.

"Take the left route, Yuu" Lavi instructed.

Kanda swerved and narrowly missed a green van going the other way. He beeped the horn and flicked the bird at the other driver.

"No, you stupid fuck! I'm not fucking giving way!" was all that the Japanese man growled, glaring before he returned his attention to the road.

Before long, they reached a car park and they all got out.

"I suggest we split up. Back here in fifteen minutes, okay? Or, just say something through the walkie talkies" Lenalee said, already heading into the trees. Kanda went the opposite way, while Lavi went west.

He was searching an animal trail when his walkie talkie erupted into a volcano of sound.

"BAKA USAGI! I FOUND A BAG" Kanda's equally annoyed and surprized voice said through the device. Through some instructions from the man, Lavi arrived where Kanda was in no time. He dropped down onto his knees and began searching the bag. He found the water bottle and swore.

"He ran outta water... No river or lake for ages, either" he said, searching again.

He put the bag back down and sighed.

"Allen's gone"

"But where? He's an idiot, but why would he just leave his bag here?" Kanda asked.

Lenalee came through the trees panting heavily as if from a run.

"He was taken, I think. Remember that van? I found a dead body..." she said, obviously upset.

Kanda and Lavi exchanged looks.

"Its over here" Lenalee added, leading the duo to the spot where Kanda looked over the body.

"He was shot, from a short distance" Kanda informed them.

Lavi frowned, remembering all the things his grandfather had told him about suspicious deaths in forests.

"The last times this has happened, they happened in forests as well... And hostages were taken. By the Noah's gang" he said slowly, obviously with holding information.

"And?" Kanda asked impatiently.

Lavi wiped his forehead and looked away.

"I don't think it'd be appropriate for me to say what happened to the hostages in front of Lenalady"

Lenalee huffed, hands on hips.

"Tell me, Lavi. I can handle it, I'm not some weak" she argued.

Lavi took a deep breath.

"... The hostages were raped, tortured then slowly killed".

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Bwahaha!

Okie, I need a vote...

Should I change the rating so I can have lemonyness and rape references?

Or no...

-Kamakiri


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **thanks to AU Queen and shadowkiller8888 for the reviews! I have now changed the rating to M. (yes, some lemon later ;) )

I don't own -Man...

_Chapter 4_

After four hours, Allen's screams and protests lessened as Tyki finished with him, got dressed and left the room with a "Remember, no one can hear you and you can't escape".

Allen gasped in pain as he sat up. He was bruised practically everywhere and had a split lip from Tyki hitting him when he complained too loudly. Everything ached.

His silvery eyes, shiny with unshed tears, searched the room for his clothes. He didn't like sitting there naked, it made him feel even more vulnerable. He spotted them just a few metres away so he stood and took a few steps towards them and then lost feeling in his legs, collapsing to his knees.

Allen frantically tried to get a hold of himself but broke down, tears finally spilling down his cheeks.

"Lavi... I'm sorry" he whispered, reaching out with a shaking hand to grab his clothes, which he pulled on slowly.

Once fully dressed, Allen gave up with trying to stand up and ended up laying down on the floor, staring up at the ceiling.

"I need a shower... I feel dirty, abused and sick... I want to go-" Allen's quiet murmurings where interrupted by the door slamming open. A rather pissed off Tyki entered and stalked over, grabbing Allen by the collar and hauling him to his feet.

"I will kill you, if you have contacted someone. The bloody police are after us. If they find us, I will use this..." he let go of Allen's collar, letting the boy slump back to the ground as he pulled out a long knife "On you"

Allen took a shuddering breath and looked up somewhat defiantly.

"If you get caught, its because you're a stupid retard when it comes to hiding your doings from the police" he spat.

Tyki slapped him hard across the face, then shoved Allen onto his back and crouched next to him, bringing the knife to his throat.

"Speak like that to me again, and I will make you suffer" he growled menacingly.

"Why can't you just kill me, huh?" Allen yelled, regretting the words almost as soon as they were spoken. A dark look twisted Tyki's features, but his eyes crinkled up as if he had a headache.

"But you're too much fun, Allen. Why would I kill you? Why _should _I?" Tyki asked.

"You sick bastard!" Allen cried out, trying to get away, but Tyki pinned him down, "My life is worthless! I have nothing, at all, to live for!" he said, adding quietly in a hopeless tone "You took my virginity, I was saving that"

"I don't care! I do this so I can survive! Everyone has their own way of making a living, this is mine"

"Raping people, especially young men who are just starting University?" Allen asked sarcastically, only to get slapped again.

"Shut your mouth. No, what I do isn't any of your business. You are just my pet, you know nothing" Tyki said harshly, standing up.

"I have things to do, but we'll talk later" he added, stalking out of the room like a proud cat after killing a mouse or bird; back straight and head held high.

Allen curled into the fetal position, shivering. A crisp breeze blew in through the window, which was slightly ajar.

'Wait, its open...!' He realised, struggling to his feet and unsteadily walking over to the window. There weren't any bars on it, so he could escape. His two problems were thus; one, what would he do if he was caught? Well, if it wasn't Tyki, but another, they'd probably shoot him and he wasn't against that, obviously. Two, it was a two storey building. It was a fair fall.

But, Allen noticed, there was a fair amount of bushes. He just hoped that his idea of a safe jump was correct.

He positioned himself on the window ledge and shoved the window wider. He looked behind him, there wasn't anything of worth to take with him and he didn't have anything other than the clothes on his back that he legally owned. He then took a deep breath and jumped down, landing softly and only just slightly jarred his legs from the impact.

Straightening, Allen glanced behind him quickly to check if anyone was following. No one was, so he grinned and sprinted off, towards the houses. He didn't stop running til he had been running for half an hour. His breaths came in pained gasps, so he stopped and glanced at a house, an idea forming in his mind. He was tired, hungry and cold...

He soon found himself knocking on the door, which opened to reveal a worn-out looking woman.

She sighed at the sight of him, looking more concerned.

"Oh my, you don't look too good. Come in, I'll make you some tea" she said, helping him inside.

"Thank you. My name's Allen, by the way" he replied, smiling.

"Miranda Lotto, nice to meet you, Allen" she said, smiling back.

'Maybe' Allen thought ten minutes later, sitting on Miranda's couch, sipping tea with a blanket around him, 'Maybe life's not as bad...' his thoughts stopped there as the harsh memories of Mana's death came back.

His head snapped up, determination in his eyes.

"Miranda, can I use your laptop for a moment?" he asked.

The woman nodded and brought it over to him.

"Of course, why, may I ask?"

Allen looked down and smiled again.

"I want to know where the waterfalls are. I'm new here, but I've heard they're beautiful" he said.

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End file.
